First published back in 1974, ‘Sexy Confessions Of A Bank Clerk’ formed the first ‘Sexy Confessions’ monthly digest magazine from the Tabor Publications series. This first issue was written by British pulp author Guy N Smith under the pseudonym of Peter Lynch.
It should be noted that Guy N Smith was responsible for penning eight of the thirteen digests that made up the ‘Sexy Confessions’ series.
It’s pretty obvious that Tabor’s ‘Sexy Confessions’ series was mimicking the far more successful ‘Confessions Of A…’ series which were penned by Christopher Wood under the pseudonym of Timothy Lea.
Ivor Innisfree was fresh out of Wellington College and starting his first week as the new junior clerk at the Shareston branch of the Merchant Bank. It was far from the job Ivor had wanted. However, he was playing along with his old man’s wishes purely for the money. If he followed his father’s hopes and ambitions for him to work in banking, then Ivor would continue to receive his personal allowance as well as retaining access to the family’s spare mini. It was a small sacrifice to make which provided Ivor with the freedom he craved.
However, his first day at the bank was far from smooth. Ivor knew he wasn’t cut out for banking. His heart certainly wasn’t in it. Which meant he made mistakes. Lots of them. That said, he nevertheless found the position presented him with a few opportunities that were more what he was after. The bank certainly had some tasty women working there!
Of course, Ivor knew he’d have to be careful with his flirtations towards the female employees. He was almost constantly under the ever-watchful eyes of the Chief Clerk, William Willoughby and the Bank Manager, Reginald Strode. Two distinctly dislikeable individuals who’d quickly come to the opinion that Ivor was the most incompetent junior clerk they’d ever had in the office. Although, it helped that Ivor’s father was a good friend of Strode’s. Ivor knew that without his father’s connection with the fat, balding Bank Manager, he’d be back on the unemployment line before his feet could touch the ground.
So, instead of sacking Ivor, they’d relegated him to the basement, where the bank stored all its old papers. Alone in the basement, away from all the sexy distractions upstairs, Ivor’s chances of getting his end away were now pretty much zero. Or so he thought!
From his very first day in the bank, Ivor had his eyes firmly set on a number of the female employees. Strode’s personal secretary, Violet Veebee, was possibly one of the sexiest women Ivor had ever had the pleasure to lay his young eyes upon. She was in her late thirties. From her dark brunette hair, down to her shapely figure and perfectly firm breasts, Veebee was jaw-droppingly gorgeous.
Then there was Jill Jackson who’d constantly lean across the desk, giving Ivor an eyeful either down her blouse or of her panty covered crotch. On the post-desk there was Mary Moorhouse and Jenny Simkins. Two equally luscious young women who didn’t seem to mind Ivor giving their bums a little pinch from time to time.
Ivor’s time at the Merchant Bank was certainly looking up. In fact, before his first week was over his charm and charisma had gotten him into most of their knickers. Before long, Ivor was setting up a daily rota for his rampant sexual encounters with each one of them. Oh yes, Ivor Innisfree’s experience as a junior clerk was certainly turning out to be very enjoyable one…
Here we have the first of the ‘Sexy Confessions’ magazine digests. And what better place to start than with the setting of Guy’s first career – banking. As many GNS fans will be aware, Smith had somewhat begrudgingly followed in his father’s footsteps, taking on a position within banking. However, it wasn’t long before Guy packed in the job, instead choosing a career in writing. With this in mind, the opening paragraph to this story feels quite pertinent to Smith’s own life:
“Banking, my boy, is the epitome of respectability and security. There is no profession quite like it!” You can almost imagine Guy’s own father lecturing him with those very same words; persuading Smith to follow in his footsteps.
Anyway, the story is very much the sexually charged erotic fiction, depicting page after pager of casual sex and office-based fumblings, that you’d be expecting it to be. Essentially, we have the aforementioned four women, all willingly becoming young Ivor’s sexual conquests.
The first to present herself available to Ivor’s cheeky sexual advances is Strode’s secretary – Violet Veebee. Literally within the first couple of days, she’s down in the basement with Ivor, allowing his fingers to explore under her frilly knickers whilst she searches a box for some paperwork. The lad can barely believe it himself!
Throughout the tale Veebee definitely reveals herself as the naughty star of the show. A sexually insatiable mistress with a wardrobe full of fetish clothing and bondage gear. She also puts herself in the driving seat of all of their carnal encounters, riding the lad like a jockey and demanding more and more from his young and willing body.
Indeed, the amount of sex this lad gets on a daily basis is jaw dropping. Each night he’s with a different one of them, so much so, that he needs to keep a secret rota scribbled out in a pocket diary. Luckily none of them are too difficult to persuade dropping their panties for him. A couple of drinks in the local, then he drives them up to the quarries where everyone in Sharestone goes for some backseat action.
It's all very racy and perhaps a little sordid in a comically erotically charged way. However, by the most entertaining aspect of the story, and indeed all of these ‘Sexy Confessions’ magazine digests, is the absolute 1970’s vibe within them. Oh, it’s a frigging joy to behold. Ivor regularly fondles his colleagues’ bums in the office, and no one bats an eyelid. There so much casual but altogether risqué flirtation and quick flashes of panties. Again, this is seemingly just the norm! of course, the big boss practically chain smokes his Turkish tobacco throughout the entirety of the day. His office filling up with smoke. Just par of the course with working in the office.
The whole 70’s thing is also in the hilariously dated lingo. Indeed, the entire story is full of quintessentially 70s slang like ‘fanny’ and ‘hard-ons’ and condoms are constantly referred to as ‘french-letters’ whilst the young women are ‘Dolly-birds’. Then we have good ole Violet Veebees and her “cracking pair of bristols”. Oh, it’s an absolute joy to read.
Of course, being the 70s, the women all have particularly hairy bushes. Smith writes about these thick pubic bushes at length in the story and there’s also plenty of black & white softcore photos accompanying the text to. This leads me to one of my favourite moments of the entire story, where we have Ivor relaying his experience to giving Veebee some oral pleasure…
“Hair got up my nostrils and made me sneeze, but she was very patient, and eventually I got the idea. It was not half so bad as I had imagined.”
Honestly, every single one of the eight chapters that make up this softcore porn story is crammed full of so much quintessentially 70s lingo that it’ll having you roaring with laughter throughout. But that’s not to say it’s not well written. The story is brilliant. A properly fast-paced erotic romp of a tale. Each sexual conquest better than the last. Each described in grubby, graphic detail.
So yeah, a magnificent opening story from Smith to kickstart this racy collection of naughty softcore porn tales. The accompanying black and white pictures and indeed all the sex adverts only enhance the magazine digest further. It all feels like a proper slice of the 1970s.
Anyway, I guess I’ll finish this review with this delightful post-sex-in-the-bath quote which was one of my favourites from the story:
“Then we sank back into the bath, still coupled, resting, watching the juices float around us like frogspawn in a pool.”
What can I say?! Jeez!
The digest magazine runs for a total of 62 pages.
© DLS Reviews
Other ‘Sexy Confessions’ instalments:
- ‘Sexy Confessions Of A Bank Clerk’ (1974)
- ‘Sexy Confessions Of A Window Cleaner’ (1975)
