First published back in April of 2015, extreme horror author Matt Shaw’s short story ‘Ted’ was released under the author’s ‘Fucked-Up Shorts’ series.  Although the short story is a stand-alone tale, the main character, Ted, is from the author’s earlier title ‘Rotting Dead F*cks’ (2014).

DLS Synopsis:
Ted was getting sick of putting up with his psychiatrist’s bullshit.  It wasn’t like his attendance there each week was doing any good.  The bitch never offered any advice.  Never told him what he should be doing instead.  Just sat there scribbling notes every now and again and making that godawful throat-clearing noise whenever he said anything that challenged her ideas of a normal person’s behaviour.

Ted’s GP had referred him after he showed aggressive tendencies and thoughts deemed dark by ‘normal’ society.  Today Ted had been telling the doctor about a recent encounter he’d had with a hooker.  It seemed that didn’t go down well with the good doctor.  Midway through his story she’d rudely interrupted him, spouting some bullshit about how some of these girls didn’t have a choice in what they did.  Like he should feel some guilt or something.

After she’d said her piece, there was no time left for Ted to finish the story.  The whole ordeal had annoyed and frustrated Ted.  Fucking counterproductive if you asked him.  Ironically it was because of this that he’d ended up booking a hooker.  A sure-fire way to relieve his anger and stress.

The only problem was, when the girl arrived at his home, she was a far cry from the prostitute he’d booked.  He was after a cute blonde, with a size eight body and cheeky smile.  Instead, standing before him was a markedly taller girl, size twelve at least, with short black hair…and she was dark-skinned.

The agency had messed up.  Which put Ted in an awkward situation.  He was a man who liked his meat white.  The idea of fucking a dark-skinned girl didn’t sit right with him at all.  He wasn’t even sure he’d be able to get his rocks off with her.

Still, she was here now, and he had a few tricks up his sleeve to help make things a bit more enjoyable for him…

DLS Review:
We first met Ted in Shaw’s earlier novel ‘Rotting Dead F*cks’ (2014).  There we got to see much of the ignorant, self-centred, racist arsehole that he is.  In fact, the Ted chapters were the highlight of the novel.  As much as you despised every inch of the loathsome maggot’s personality, you couldn’t help but love him for it.  Love him as an exaggerated fictional character.  As someone who orchestrates and facilitates the fucked-up entertainment in the novel.

So, it was no surprise to see Ted making another appearance.  Other than using the same character (along with his psychiatrist) there’s no other connection to the aforementioned zombie apocalypse novel.  What we have is very much a standalone short story, taking us through a day-in-the-life of this abhorrent wanker of the highest calibre.

The tale is told from the perspective of Ted.  As such, you the reader, get to see the world from his perspective, observe first-hand his idiotic rationale and narrow-minded views.  This is where the story really comes into its own.  Where Shaw absolutely excels with the characterisation.  Ted’s views and thoughts are so teeth-grindingly ignorant, so utterly thick-skulled, that you find yourself seething as much as you are compelled to read on.  This is nothing but an absolute testament to Shaw’s writing ability.  You really do despise Ted as much as you love these vile traits in the character.

The story is itself quite a simple one.  It’s 100% character-driven, and as such, there’s not a huge call for an overly elaborate plot.  Instead it’s all about seeing Ted in action.  Witnessing more of what he’s like.  Seeing the world from behind his eyes and in his head.

Ted’s a racist cunt.  We saw a lot of that in ‘Rotting Dead F*cks’ (2014).  However, here we see a fuck-tonne more.  And I really do mean that.  Don’t forget, the story’s told from the perspective of Ted.  So, you have his thoughts, his views, his ignorant and blinkered vision of everything.  And that means ploughing through a veritable tsunami of vile and vulgar racial slurs from start to finish.  You are warned.

Of course, there’s still a narrative in the story.  One involving a dark-skinned hooker turning up at Ted’s door and him having “to make do”.  You’ve guessed it, our cheerful author also weaves in plenty of filth.  This is absolute typical Matt Shaw stuff.  And all the better for it.

Utterly entertaining, utterly despicable, and one-hundred percent confrontational.

The short story runs for a total of 35 pages.

© DLS Reviews

Other ‘Rotting Dead F*cks’ instalments:





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