First published back in July of 2005, US author M.P. Johnson’s ‘Cheap-Ass Chapbook’ was a limited edition chapbook to provide readers with an introduction to the author’s bizarre fiction.
Only fifty copies of the chapbook were published, each signed and hand-numbered on the inside-back-cover.
An Evening At The Eyeball Supper Club – 7 Pages
Frank Grailey had never been terribly concerned with the quality of the food he ate. In Frank’s mind, spending more than was entirely necessary on food was just throwing heard-earned money down the drain. Cynthia, on the other hand, wanted to experience the high life, even just once in a while.
She’d finally convinced her budget-minded husband to treat her. When she broached the subject, she’d expected more of a battle on her hands. However, Frank agreed. In fact, he made a reservation at Le Clouvier for that very Friday. Although, when he made the booking, he was a tad confused to learn they’d be there for the grinning eyeball ceremony. Must be some posh custom or something he assumed! Regardless, surely, there’s nothing for them to be concerned about? It’ll just be like eating at Bernie’s, only fancier. Right?!...
What an opening story! Johnson dives into a pool of nerve-tingly gore wearing a full-blown bodysuit of bizarro with this utterly odd first story. Think Mr. Bean’s steak tartar antics, only here with a budget-minded couple who are served up a hefty Veruvian eyeball filet instead.
The whole ordeal is as surreal as it is weirdly amusing. However, the light-hearted banter soon turns somewhat sour, when things take a decidedly horrific turn for the worse. It’s a weirdly grotesque slice of bizarro giving off ‘Monty Python’ vibes throughout. A story that’s strangely surreal, but utterly compelling.
The Devil With Fur – 11 Pages
Roy and Jack were two twelve-year-old boys who were up to no good. They’d gotten hold of the hamsters which Jack’s big sister had for feeding to her snake and were now parachuting them off the top of a six-story carpark onto the street below. Unsurprisingly, most of the furry critters came to a nasty, squished end upon the road. However, two survived. One in particular seemed to steer its handkerchief-parachute to land squarely upon Jack’s head.
However, the last thing the young boys would have expected to happen, was for the long-haired hamster to speak. But that’s exactly what it did! It introduced itself as Lucifer, or Lucy as its friends called it. The grandmaster of evil.
Should the simple fact that the hamster was talking not have been proof enough about such a bold claim, then the opening up of the sidewalk and the emergence of a gigantic green demon from below, well and truly set the record straight. Seems chucking hamsters off a six-story carpark can lead to some tricky repercussions…
Let’s keep the bizarro rollercoaster going!!! Johnson’s second offering involves a wacky descent into hell itself, courtesy of a talking hamster that turns out is Satan himself. What follows is a quick-fire glimpse into Lucifer’s underworld, in which we see Roy and Jack’s seventeen-year-old goth sister – April – attempting to rescue Jack from the Devil’s grasp.
For this, all the horror and torment of Hell have been replaced with a light-hearted take on the idea of Hell. Furthermore, Lucifer is a hamster, who zips around the caverns of Hell in a micro-helicopter. We also have a giant green demon with horns for eyes and a massive tongue it uses to strangle people, who’s of course called Brian. It’s all very silly, with a comical take upon simple morality embedded within it.
Ultimately, it’s a fun a story that flies by in a blur of witty jests and light-hearted play in respect of the horrors contained within Hell.
Gone To Seed – 10 Pages
Janet was embarking upon the next step in her quest to push the boundaries of her flesh. Her main goal with her modifications was transcendence. A hope of feeling more than just flesh and bone. She found something spiritual in both the modification and the pain that came with it.
Because of this, when Nick returned to their small one-bedroom flat with a small pack of seeds which could supposedly grow on flesh, Janet had no doubt in her mind that she would try them. Nick had gotten the seeds from a co-worker, who’d explained you just plant them under the skin, then let them grow into beautiful flowers.
So, that night, the young couple set about planting the seeds into Janet’s cheeks. Slicing open the flesh of her beautiful face and burying the seeds within. The end results, as the pair would soon find out, were truly life changing…
From the get-go it’s instantly obvious that what we have with Johnson’s final short is a blood-dripping slice of nasty body horror. Essentially, it pushes the boundaries of the whole BME / Body Modification scene to new experimental levels. Indeed, early on Johnson brings in hints of a Fakir Musafar-style of spiritual thinking, dropping in that Janet had dabbled in suspensions when explaining the young girl’s drive for modification. However, the story eventually edges into far darker territory, exploring the purposeful planting of flower seeds into her flesh.
The blend of nature and flesh is a clever one. Body modification is often brutal, metallic, and harsh in its application. Flowers are fundamentally a distinct opposite to this. However, with nature often comes a cruelty which we don’t always see (or appreciate). Survival is the purest motivational drive in all living things. That’s what the flowers want. Unfortunately, as we see in this short, their survival is to Janet’s detriment.
The end result is probably the strongest and most accomplished short in the chapbook. The body horror mixed with a thought-provoking idea works incredibly effectively. It’s a story that absolutely showcases Johnson’s talents as a writer.
The chapbook runs for a total of 28 pages.
© DLS Reviews
